POSITION AVAILABLE

David A. James
Fairbanks, AK
Nov. 11, 2005

I found the following job offer on­line and thought some of your readers might be interested:

"Position Available: Commissioner of Department of Natural Resources."

Position reports directly to Governorisimo Francisco Franco Mur­kowski.

Duties include managing state re­sources and public lands to provide highest possible yield for longtime Murkowski supporters, eliminating opposition within DNR to Murkowski policies and saying 'yes' whenever instructed.

The successful candidate will be a teamplayer with a demonstrated ability to operate a paper shredder, a documented history of overt contempt for public and leg­islative pro­cesses and an im­pressive record of campaign contributions to Murkowski. Reflexive talent for puckering lips upon sighting of Murkowski's backside a plus.

Personal integrity, ability to think for oneself and knowledge of legal issues surrounding use of public resources not necessary and may in some situations result in im­mediate termination of em­ployment.

To be considered, applicant must already have contacted Murkowski through personal connections at the Governorisimo's office phone number: 907-IAM-KING, or submitted resume and further campaign contribution to P.O. Box 666, Junta, AK 99999.

Note to applicants: Visa and MasterCard accepted. Governorisimo Murkowski does not take American Express.

The Governorisimo Francisco Franco Murkowski Administration is an Equal Opportunist Employer. Lickspittles encouraged to apply.