'President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie before, haven't I?'

-- Jay Leno

'President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida.'

-- Jay Leno

'President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.'

-- David Letterman

'Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.''

-- Craig Kilborn

'We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem. It's in North Korea.'

-- Jon Stewart

'War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.''

-- Jay Leno

'CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, super, and premium unleaded.'

-- Jay Leno

'Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.'

-- Jay Leno

'Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.'

-- Jon Stewart

'President Bush agreed today to allow more weapons inspectors in Iraq. As I understand he has 250,000 of them ready to go.'

-- Jay Leno

'The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.'

-- Jay Leno

'The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain.'

-- Bill Maher

'On Sunday, the president flies to the Azores islands to attend a summit with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Spanish Prime Minister Jos; Aznar, and here's my prediction: Bush gets voted off the island.'

-- Craig Kilborn

'President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq. It is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.'

-- Craig Kilborn

'Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free.'

-- Jay Leno