LESSONS IN LARCENY:
THE TEXTBOOK CASE OF THE PURLOINED PENCIL

Frederick Meekins
Aug. 30, 2001

In today's climate of moral and social confusion, there are events taking place and policies being implemented that run so contrary to common sense and sound judgment that the average person can barely believe them.

As a columnist, the robust response to the commentary "No More Pencils. No More Books. School is Full of Commie Crooks." was quite gratifying. However, the healthy degree of skepticism and astonishment that greeted the piece caused me to initially wonder if I had over exaggerated the situation or mischaracterized the issue.

The gathering of additional intelligence eventually laid that doubt to rest.

Some might figure could be a difficult matter to investigate since little ---at least up to this point anyway --- has even been written on these kinds of policies. Yet one does not have to team up with Mulder or Scully (or even the Lone Gunmen for that matter) to ferret out evidence as to the existence of this widespread conspiracy for it is as near as nearest retail establishment. I was able to obtain the following from the school supply lists available at a local Walmart.

At Severn Elementary in Severn, Maryland, first graders require three hardcover notebooks (I did not even need that many in high school or college). Second graders are to surrender $7.00 to their teacher who will acquire the academic provisions, no doubt cutting down on the pestilence of individuality among the students.

Students at this school are also mandated to replace their scissors mid-year. Funny how when I was in elementary school, in the prehistoric era of the early 80's, a pair of scissors lasted several years (and we had to cut rock rather than paper).

Another interesting trend at a number of schools such as Marley Elementary near Glen Burnie, Maryland is the prohibition of pencil boxes and notebook binders, especially trapper keepers. This no doubt cuts down on individual expression as students are instead required to utilize those uniform marbled composition books. One trusts such zeal will be directed at covering up those exposed navels that have become fashionable this season mutilated by body piercings mimicking the fashion proclivities of the average jungle savage.

Instead of pencil boxes, students are to ferry supplies in Ziploc bags. As often as these are annotated on supply lists, one almost wonders if school districts or teacher unions get a discount on stock in the plastic baggie racket from their brokers.

Educrats will no doubt justify the pencil box prohibition on the grounds that contraband such as narcotics and firearms could possibly be concealed in these containers . Government officials are pretty much able to implement whatever they want provided it's couched in terms of these fears and are able to label as seditious any rational citizen questioning the efficacy of such proposals.

A few years back, a member of the Prince George's County, Maryland Board of Education wanted to enact a regulation that would have required students to carry transparent bookbags since the opaque ones could be used to convey weapons. Seems to me the entire pentagon could have been concealed inside that board member's empty head.

In light of the degree to which political correctness has infiltrated the nation's schools, can you imagine the woe that would accrue upon the pupil who mistakenly used one of the old-fashioned cigar boxes with an Indian plastered across the front?

It's not enough for some schools to bark orders as to the minutest detail regarding scholastic accoutrments such as quantity, color, and as to how this merchandise will be redistributed among the pupil proletariat. Some such as the administrators at Millersville Elementary now feel it is their role to make life-and-death decisions regarding the lives of their students.

On the back of that particular school's supply list there is a special note reading "all" fifth graders will participate in a drownproofing program. Der Fuehrer must need new crews for his infamous unterseeboots.

There is nothing wrong with drownproofing if that's what parents want for their children. The same with "hell-proofing" for that matter, but there are some things you just can't impose on people. I wouldn't care how emphatic the "all" might be, I'm not getting in the pool for anybody. To borrow a bit of logic from the pro-choice abortion crowd, it's my body and I'll do what I want with it.

Though sympathetic to my position, some readers have responded as if I am reporting events transpiring on Mars (or more accurate perhaps) from the assimilation chamber of a Borg Cube --- the Borg being the alien Communist cyborgs from "Star Trek" whose sole purpose is to eliminate the last vestiges of individuality from the galaxy.

This bewilderment is primarily the result of some in the mainstream media who sympathize with the socialization of everyone's most basic necessities (excluding their own of course) and who have a vested interest in silencing this potentially explosive story by shaming in to silence the few willing to speak out regarding these acts of outright pillage.

Though published on September 15, 2000, an editorial appearing in the Bucks County, Pennsylvania Courier Times is just as insightful today as it was last year as it provides primary evidence in exposing the elitist mentality afoot among pivotal societal institutions that would subordinate us common folk to their oppressive directives.

The Courier argued that it was not so much wrong that school personnel from Rolling Hills Elementary in Council Rock, Pennsylvania communalized the student's belongings but rather that teacher's did so without providing parents with notification of the pending theft. The editorial's most scathing criticisms were reserved for parents daring to question such blatant blackboard Bolshevism.

The piece condescendingly castigates parents for undermining the sense of "community feeling" resulting from this "wonderfully altruistic" educational philosophy and for giving their children "a poor lesson in sharing". Parents were further chastised for responding that, had they known of the school's policy, they would have purchased cheaper supplies.

This is clearly an example of the false altruism scandal described by Ayn Rand where otherwise upright individuals are coerced into heeding the dictates of the collective by being shamed for simply existing and pursuing the legitimate manifestations of their own self-interest.

It seems these schools have failed to learn a number of fundamental economic and sociological truths.

Frankly, the school supplies in question are not the schools to give away in the first place. They were acquired through the financial toil of the parents for use by particular children. Only the ones purchasing these goods have the right to determine their ultimate disposition.

Relatedly, parents are only required to provide for their own children, unless these social malcontents want to reveal their prejudices against the traditional family that are often as ingrained as their aversion to the individualized ownership of goods.

As in reference to most other social maladies plaguing the nation, the average working American is forced to bear the brunt of responsibility for the deprivation of every bum that sticks out his paws for a handout. Why doesn't the Bucks County Courier render a homily in the direction of the negligent self-absorbed drunks, drug-addicts, and deadbeats who aren't even sharing with their own offspring?

These sluggards are no doubt receiving entitlement benefits that could easily cover the cost of basic supplies. After all, welfare recipients often receive checks larger than those of the parents required to shoulder the cost of extraneous educational equipment.

Some have brushed these criticisms aside since proprietary claims of school supplies seem like such a trifle issue. However, it is often taught if we are faithful with the small things, we will be acquitted as worthy to handle greater responsibilities. If we allow minor things such as paper and pencils to be lifted from us with meager resistance, there's no telling what the enemies of freedom might demand of us when they return tomorrow.

Copyright 2001 by Frederick B. Meekins